


Come Back To Me

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Boys Kissing, Concerts, Getting Back Together, M/M, Makeup, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up, Revelations, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash, Trouble Sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a freak accident nearly claims the life of one of their friends, Nicky begins to put his life in perspective...<br/> By making amends of the biggest mistake of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Back To Me

The room was completely dark. I lay awake in my bed, wishing I could sleep. The numbers on the clock are like a spotlight, boring into my eyes, making it impossible for me to ignore. I can’t hold back the sigh that escapes my lips. I’m tired. So very tired but not matter what I do, I just can’t seem to fall asleep.

The silence of the room was getting to me, very slowly driving me crazy, making me want to break something or yell at someone… But I’m the only one here. I sigh with frustration and throw back the sheets, climbing out of the warm cozy bed. I stagger through the darkness of the room, feeling my way across to the mini-bar. Inside the door I find a bottle of water, snatch it up and hastily remove the lid. I down nearly half the bottle in one go before replacing the lid and putting it back inside the bar, with the intention of finishing the rest in the morning. 

By now the coolness of the room was getting to me, making me shiver and long for the warm cocoon of the blankets. I crossed the room once again and find the bed, leaping up onto it and flopped down with my head upon the pillow. My hands located the blankets and I pulled the covers all the way up to my chin. Then I close my eyes, desperate to finally fall asleep.

Knock! Knock!

I opened my eyes in frustration and stared across the room at the closed door.   
'Go away' I pray. ‘I want sleep, not a visitor’. Then the door opened but itself and all I can do is stare at it, almost scared. Who would be coming to see me at this hour? I racked my brain trying to think who had a key for my room.

"Shane?" A voice whispered through the darkness.

A sigh of relief escaped my mouth and I quickly sat up, reached out and located the lamp then turned it on. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness of the light. Then I slowly shifted my gaze back towards my late night visitor. 

"Nicky? What's wrong?" I greeted him.  
"Nothing" He replied.  
"Come on. What's wrong?"  
"I just, I couldn't sleep"

I knew he was lying. I could tell by the way he held himself, the way he wouldn’t quite meet my eye and the tiny hint in his voice. Besides, it was a poor excuse and he knew it… Although, I remembered with an ache in my heart, that there used to be a time when we didn't need excuses to visit each other in the middle of the night.

Nicky crossed his arms in front of his chest and I knew it wasn’t because he was cold. Even as I stared at him, closely, I noticed he was slightly trembling. Once again, not from the cold.

"Hey," I said to him. "Come here"  
I pulled back the duvet and made room for Nicky in my bed. I watched as the blonde smiled gratefully at me then he crossed the room and climbed into the bed beside me.

Out of habit more than anything else, I wrapped my arm around him and covered us both with the duvet. Nicky closed his eyes, still smiling at me, and I smiled down at him. God, I had missed this so much! It felt nice having Nicky by my side again, holding him in my arms once more… But we were treading a very fine line now and we both knew it.

"Come on Nix" I tried again. "What's really wrong?"  
"Nothing" he replied, averting his eyes.  
"Yeah right. I know you too well, Nicky. I know you're lying. I know something's up and I'm not gonna shut up until you tell me"  
"I just..." Nicky sighed and looked at me. I could tell he knew he had been defeated. I had won but there was never any doubt of that… Nicky had come here, to my room, for a reason. "I just… couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about what happened to Ki today"  
I felt myself shudder. I had been thinking about it most of the night too. During our concert, Kian had almost been killed when his safety harness snapped during the show, almost sending him crashing into the crowd below.

"Pretty scary, huh?" I tried to sound casual but the incident had startled all of us.  
"Tell me about it..." Nicky continued. "Anyway, I guess it got me thinking..."

I instinctively tightened my grip on Nicky, holding him supportively. Nicky was one of the most sensitive people I know and his feelings were very delicate and fragile. I had the utmost respect for him and sometimes feel that we really are… were one and the same person. I immediately knew this conversation would soon take a turn and we’d be up the rest of the night having a ‘deep and meaningful’ discussion. God, how I’d missed having them too!

"Come on, Nicky. I'm listening" I decided to coax him on.  
"Well… I was just lying there, thinking 'he could have been killed'. He is so lucky to be alive"  
"I know"  
"But... Then I… I started thinking that, yeah... He could have died but it could have easily been one of us. It could have happened to me, or to you, and I.... I don't wanna lose you, Shane"

Then my heart began to pound in my chest. The penny had dropped and I suddenly realised where this conversation was heading. I knew what Nicky was getting at and I knew I had to stop him before we both got carried away.

"Nicky..." I began. "We… can't..."

The words were even harder to say than I thought they would be. He pulled away from me and I noticed him staring. My eyes locked with his deep blue orbs and I found I couldn't speak, lost in the beauty of his eyes. We stared into each other's souls for the longest time.

Nicky was the first to give in and break the silence between us.  
"What happened today… it made me realise something" he began.  
"No..." I heard myself whisper.  
"It made me realise how short and valuable life is. We could have lost Ki tonight. The thought of losing someone I'm so close to scares me... It scares me so much! But the thought that I could lose you... It terrifies me"

At these words, he paused and I knew he was giving me time to comprehend what he was saying. He was waiting for a reaction from me but I couldn't say anything, it was too hard. Too hard to say no to him.

Nicky slowly leaned forward, preparing to kiss me but I couldn't let him.   
Instead, I reached out and placed my hand on his chest, gently stopping him. He looked at me and all I could do was shake my head.

"Nicky. You know we can't" I was fighting back tears.  
"Says who? I love you, Shane" he whispered.  
"I know but we agreed... We said it was for the best"  
"Then I take it back! I don't agree anymore, Shane… I miss you"  
"We see each other every day" it sounds weak even to my ears.  
"No! I miss being with you. Holding you… Kissing you… Making love to you"

I slowly pulled away from him and slid out from under the covers. He reached out, his hand gripping my shoulder, attempting to stop me. His touch was gentle and honest but I still moved away. I stood up and stepped aside… Moving away from the bed and from Nicky.  
I knew I couldn't stay that close to him… Couldn't allow him to touch me... No matter how badly I wanted him to… I just couldn't. I told him the truth… That we *had* agreed, we’d said it was for the best.  
Of course I’d had no intention of ever agreeing to such a stupid thing but it had been Nicky's idea... He had wanted to end it… I mean I knew at the time even though it had been his idea, it still hadn't made it any easier on him... Or on me.

"Shane? You still love me. Don't you?"  
I felt my heart breaking. The tone of Nicky's voice and the innocence of his question sent a sharp pain though my heart. Of course I still loved him. I had never stopped loving him. I could never stop loving him. And boy, did I miss him. Not for the first time since calling it quits, I found myself blinking back tears.  
What had I done wrong to make Nicky question my love for him?

"Of course I still love you" I managed to choke out.  
"Then... Then why can't we be together?" Nicky asked.   
It was such a simple question… If only the answer were equally as simple.

"It...” I struggled to get the words out. “It's too risky"  
"I don't give a damn about risks anymore! I just want to be with you" Nicky stared up at me and even from this distance I could see the tears forming in his eyes. "Don't you want to be with me?"

I slowly walked back towards the bed and paused beside him. He remained sitting with his arms folded across his chest as I stood directly in front of him. Without thinking, I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug.  
"You know I do" I whispered to him. "But... But we made an agreement. The fans were starting to realise..."  
"But... but if they truly are our fans then they'd understand" Nicky tried to reason with me. "They'd be happy for us"

I knew that what he was saying was likely more than true. Nicky had spent many hours surfing the net and had shown me several web-thingys of people who would support us if we were a couple. There were lots of people out there who claim to love and support us no matter what.

"Nix," I ventured. "What we had… it’s in the past... You've still got Gina. And I've got Gill. We don't belong together anymore"  
"Yes we do! You know as well as I do that you don't love her... Any more than I love Gina!"  
"Nix, please don't make this any harder than it already is"

Nicky was right again. He had called it quits with Gina long ago. Once the fans had started to realise that he and I were 'more than friends' we knew we were walking a fine line. He kept his break-up with Gina a secret and I turned to Gillian.  
We had quickly cut our flirting in public and made an effort to be seen with Gina and Gill. The girls were a perfect cover for our relationship and we were happy. Eventually, our flirting started again and we started slipping up, almost blowing our carefully created cover. That was when we had agreed to end it. People were starting to realise what was happening between us and Nicky suggested we end it.  
It had been hard at first. It was still hard. Time passing didn't make the pain go away. If anything, our time apart had made me realise just how much I loved and needed him... And I suspected he felt the same way about me but we never talked about it… Until now.

Now Nicky was in my arms again. I felt him turn in my embrace and he buried his face in my chest. I tightened my grip and once again blinked back more of my tears. Everything Nicky had just said to me was more than true.   
I really missed being with him. Holding him like this, kissing him, hugging him... making love to him.  
Without realizing, I slowly began to curl my fingers through his short blonde hair. I sensed this calming him down, he was letting me comfort him. I guessed the familiarity of this scene was enough to calm both of us.

Several minutes of silence passed between us as I continued to play with his hair. Definitely a favourite activity of mine, when we lay in bed together, early in the morning and Nicky would let me run my fingers through his locks… Messing it up before he would go into the bathroom to style it for the day… Sometimes taking longer than necessary. Especially on days when he found come in it.

Nicky slowly pulled away from me so I gently slid my hand under his chin. Then I raised my hand, forcing him to look up at me. Our eyes met and through my tear-filled orbs, I could just make out the tears in his.  
I couldn't stand it any longer. I slowly bent down and brushed my lips against his. Our kiss was soft, gentle and full of love yet it only lasted mere seconds.

As soon as our lips met, I instantly remembered how happy we made each other feel and just how much Nicky really, truly, meant to me. I couldn't deny it any longer so I quickly pulled away and stared down at the blonde, his lips were trembling.   
I reached out and lightly stroked his cheek. Nicky closed his eyes and two tears fell from beneath his lashes. I watched them roll down his cheek before brushing them aside. Then, I gently ran my finger across his lips. 

"God" I whispered. "I've missed you so much"  
Nicky smiled up at me and I could see the relief in his eyes. He stood up and threw his arms around my neck. I leaned towards him and our lips met once more. This time we shared several long, gentle kisses before separating.

"Promise me," Nicky began. "That you'll never leave me again"  
"I could never leave you" I honestly replied. "Now that I know what it feels like to be apart from you... I never want to relive that"  
"Oh Shay, I love you so much"  
"I love you too Nix"

I pulled him into my arms and pushed him down onto the bed. His lips found mine and we continued to share soft and gentle kisses.  
We had been apart for five months. It may not seem like much but to me it felt like a lifetime. Now we were back together and had to make up for lost time. I pulled away from him and stared down at the beautiful blonde in my arms. As much as I wanted to ravish (and fuck) him right now, I knew there was no hurry. No need to rush.  
The time we had spent apart, and more importantly what had happened to Kian today, had led us to realize that life is short. But I knew this meant that we had to make the most of what time we still had together. Nicky wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me down for another kiss. 

We spent the night making up for the months apart by making slow, passionate love and sharing soft, loving kisses.  
I still have no idea what the future has in store for us but I do know that as long as, I have him and he has me and, we're together...  
Then I know we're ready to handle it. The only thing I'm not ready to handle, is being apart from him. He completes me and no one can make me feel the way he does.  
We set each other free but we still came back to each other. Even if our love is obvious to the outside world, I don't care anymore. I don't want to hide anymore. We are the luckiest people on earth to have found each other when we did.  
And I want the world to know that I love Nicky and he loves me.

**Author's Note:**

> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site: 24th April 2002
> 
>  
> 
> Posted here for PattyPo :)


End file.
